Topsy Turvy Day

I go to bed with my pajamas on backwards, and so wake up lying on the ceiling.

It scares me at first, but I quickly get used to it. Standing upside-down on the ceiling, my head is about 5 feet from the floor, giving me my normal view of the room, only upside down. Getting dressed, I tuck my shirt in so that it doesn't fall up. I eat fruit for breakfast rather than cereal, and I drink my coffee out of a bottle.

I am a bit trepidatious leaving the house, thinking that I might float off to heaven, but I soon find that my feet are firmly set about 10 feet above the ground. As I walk about, my head is about at about head level. Most people see me, and react with surprise or fear. Some react with a nod of knowing. And some just look away. Occasionally people don't see, and I have to be careful not to bonk heads with them.

One man tells me to "Quit screwing around and get down from there." I tell him that that isn't a very helpful comment.

I have to step down to get onto the subway, and to get out of peoples' way, I lay on the roof. I look down at the other people. They frequently glance at up me, but then avert their eyes if I look towards them. All but one little boy who is rightfully enthralled that I am on the roof, and stares at me unabashedly. "How are you doing that?" he asks. "You'll understand when you're older," I tell him.

As new people get on the train, they tend not to see me. As I watch them walking about below me, it strikes me how much better it would have been if this had happened to me in the summer.

When I get to work I find it tricky to do anything. Try using a computer upside-down. After a couple minutes playing tricks on my office mates, and then a couple minutes scaring people on the stairs, I decide to go outside to see if I can find ways to put my situation to good use.

I climb into a pastry shop. The girl working behind the counter is trying to get a pastry off a high shelf. "Let me give you a hand." I easily pick the pastry off the shelf and hand it to her. It's some sort of sweet bun.

Her: Thank-you.
Me: No problem. It's easy for me.
Her: I can see that it is.
Me: Yep.
Her: But I can help thinking that there...
Me: Don't worry about thinking, sweety, just worry about the sweet buns.

Dropping back outside, I go a bit further down the street. I come upon a fruit store with mangos and mandarin oranges set out in a display bin on the sidewalk. I find that by crouching up, I a cannot be seen from inside the store, and can easily reach down and steal fruit. I have a couple of oranges and then move on, pleased that I have done something so daring.

A lady who saw me steal the fruit confronts me. "Aren't you going to pay for that?" she asks. Feigning innocence, I reply, "Sorry?"

"I saw you steal those oranges." she says.

"No you didn't." I explain to her. "And they weren't oranges."
She isn't convinced. I continue "I was just putting them back."

"That's not what I saw." she persists.

"Maybe you're seeing things backwards." I suggest. She agrees that she thinks I'm upside down. "Well that's it, then" I conclude, "You're seeing things backwards. Just put those oranges back, and then go home to bed."

"Ok. Sounds like a good idea."

I cross the street, ignoring cars, but looking both ways for trams. This, however, is very much the way I usually cross streets, as I'm an excellent jumper.

When I get to the other side. I crouch up and peak in a low window. It's boring- there is a light on, but no one is home. I walk down to the next window. There's a man lying on a couch watching TV. I move on to the next window, hoping to see something a bit naughty. But again, no one is home. There is a bowl of change on a shelf near the window, but the window is firmly closed. I move on to the next.

"Hey," comes a voice. "What'cha looking at?"

I look down and see a pirate carrying a purse.

"Hey pirate," I say. "I'm not really looking at anything." Then I add, "Nice purse."

"I'm not a pirate, I'm just wearing a bandana." he tries to explain.

"Pirates wear bandanas, Poncho," I inform him. "You're a pirate."

"Well," he says, "at least I'm not listing."

I then notice that I'm not fully upside-down anymore. I'm leaning slightly to the side, and ever so slowly rotating. Within minutes I am standing on the ground, and my upside-down day is over.