Are these tweets?

I don't care what the hippies say about a tomato being a fruit, it doesn't belong on a plate with grapes.

Maybe if the church wants to regain its dwindling popularity, it should bring back the cookies.

If I had known they were going to collect up the handouts at the end of the faculty meeting, I wouldn't have drawn so many penises on them.

After about 4pm, the only thing I really think about it tomorrow morning's coffee.