I'm walking across campus and see the Bottle Lady. I hide before she can see me. If she had seen me, this is what would have happened. (I can't recreate her grammar, but believe me-- it is delightful.)

Whether we had made eye contact or not, she would have made a bee line towards me, greeting me from uncomfortably far away, "Are you American?"

Me: What?
Bottle Lady: Are you American?
Me: No. I'm Canadian.
BL: Oh. Long ago I learned the Bible from a lady From Canada.
Me: W..
BL: She taught me English and the Bible in English.
Me: Tha...
BL: I have a lot of foreigners staying in my house.
Me: Wehert...
BL: There is a Malaysian woman and a boy from Nepal.
Me: Cghe...
BL: There used to be an American boarder. I like to have foreigners stay there.
Me: ke..
BL: Okay bye.

This 'bye' is because I have walked away. The first time we met, the conversation went on a lot longer than this, but I now cut it at this. Even at this, I prefer to avoid it. And so I am hiding behind a tree.

Professor Kim comes up behind me. "Is someone late?"