It's midnight on a Sunday and my pregnant wife wants a hamburger. As I am going out to get one for her, I ask my niece and mother-in-law if they would like anything. I walk down to the McDonald's and get four hamburgers. I order in poorly pronounced Korean. The girl asks back if I want just burgers: "Bouga-mann ?? ??? ???"

As Koreans pronounce 'burger' far differently than I thought they would, I have no idea what she is talking about. I briefly consider violence, but remember someone once telling me that this solves nothing.

I repeat my order in Korean, "Just four burgers, please." I add 'just' to be clear, knowing that they inevitably ask if I want the set.
"Bouga-mann ??"
I start sweating. I try in Czech, "Just four burgers, please."

She is confused. My Czech pronunciation must be just as poor. I just want four burgers. Why did I have to go and get my wife pregnant? I wonder if it's even mine. What if I am going through this for someone else's kid. I sweat even more. She starts sweating, and starts to reach under the counter for something.

Another customer who has been watching the whole thing comes to the rescue. "Anything?" she explains to me in English, tracing a circle in the air with her finger.

I smile and give her a confused shrug. The girl behind the counter seems satisfied with this, and rings up four hamburgers.

When I get home, I give the burgers to my niece at the door. She runs inside with them while I take off my shoes. When I get into the house, my mother-in-law, eating a burger, asks me where I've been.

"Really?" I ask her.
"Yeah."
"I've been out for a walk."
"That's nice."