Close call

I'm walking to work in the morning listening to a podcast called The Frost.  They are talking about a man who sat on a toilet only to be bitten on the bits by a python.  

"A python," I muse to myself, "I thought they were constrictors."

It turns out the people on the podcast thought the same.  "Doesn't mean they can't also bite." one of them says.  

"Animals can be so devious," I say to myself, and think about how raccoons wear face-masks.  

Suddenly I hear water hitting the ground just beside me.  "It's not raining though. I'm not walking past any tall windows." I look up.

There is a bird sitting on a wire. I see a student walking by seeing me look up.  I look down at the water. It is not water. I look back up. The bird looks down at me and winks.  I look at the student, down to the bird splat, up to the bird, and then back at the student.

She looks down at the splat and shakes her head with a smile.  

I look back up at the bird. It winks again.  I shake my fist at it and yell, "Fucking bird! You're lucky you didn't hit me. You're lucky I don't have my gun."  

I feel contrite about my launguage, and look back at the student, but she has walked on and is no longer looking.