I break a tooth chewing on some Yat that someone has irresponsibly left in a bowl in the Faculty Lounge.

I go to the dentist. I need a crown. The dentist evacuates the old filling, takes a mold, and covers the hole with a temporary crown.

A week later I go back to have the crown put in. The nurse takes out the temporary crown and asks if it hurts. It does, but I tell her it doesn't. She says they have to clean it, so there will be lots of cold water and air. She gives me a sample. It stings through to my childhood, but I suppress the wince. "No problem." I say.

I've seen some spy shows over the last week. In spy shows there is always some torture. Nikita withstood a long bout of it. I wonder how I would hold up. This is modern torture. Not snake bites and charlie horses. They don't do this anymore. No whacking funny bones. Modern torture is water boarding and electrocution. Modern network torture, that is. Modern movie torture involves the testicles.

The most frightening torture I've ever seen though was in the Marathon Man. Dental torture by the stern Dr. Szell.

I wonder how I could hold up to torture. And so when the nurse asks me if there is any pain, I tell her to bring it on.

She flosses around the remaining tooth. It hurts, but I can take it. I don't even blink.

She brings out something metal and starts picking at things. I close my eyes. But make no sound. She can't see me closing my eyes. She has put a cloth over my head. A big towel with a hole for the mouth. This way she only has to deal with mouth. I can see a pick- the arm of some piece of equipment. And I can see her eyes when she leans across me. But all the action today is on the right, so she won't see that my eyes are closed. She's back and forth with the floss and the pick. My eyes are closed and I'm thinking about a problem. It pushes the pain out of my immediate thoughts.

Then there is the cold water. Spraying straight at the tooth. Straight to the almost exposed root. The doctor told me last week how extremely close the root was to being exposed. He told me to pay attention to how sensitive it was. And it was sensitive. But I don't let on. I don't want a root canal. Bring it on! The nurse blasts freezing air into my exposed root. "I'll never talk!" I challenge her.

"What?" she asks.
"Sorry. Nothing. "
"Does it hurt?"
"Not at all."

I didn't break. I made it through the whole session without giving them anything. And here I am with a new gold tooth to show for it. I'm not saying she was a Dr. Szell, or that I'm Dustin Hoffman, but I sure am pretty awesome when it comes to dental torture.

Bring on the snake bites.