I wake up to see a garden gnome trying to lift my TV. "Lift with the knees," I admonish helpfully.

He looks at me askance for a second. He then puts down the TV, turns to face me, and lifts his kilt. Where his knees should be, there are two little cherries.

Replacing his kilt, he fixes me with a challenging glare. "Carry on then," I say. And he turns silently back to stealing my TV.