I’m walking down a road by my apartment. Like almost everywhere in Korea these days, most of the stores here are cafes. There are so many cafes, all with unexceptional coffee, that I don’t know how any one of them can make any money. But they do try to distinguish themselves in cosmetic ways. That is why I am not so surprised to see a sign at one cafe for “머핀”.

Korean borrows a lot of English words. So it is handy to learn the alphabet even if you can’t speak the language so well. The transliteration of English words is not always super clear, as the sounds in Korean and English are not exactly the same, but you get used to how the translation goes, and you can usually figure out the English word.

I read the word over a couple of times and realise that they are selling morphine. Illicit opiates are a little hard to get in Daegu. It’s not like Oslo’s Karl Johan Street, which my mother alway used to regale us with tales of. A little morphine should be a good draw, a buoy to this unremarkable coffee shop thrashing for survival in the harsh coffee seas of north central Daegu. Good thinking. If the price is reasonable, that is.

I look quickly around and go into the cafe. It looks like any other cafe. Big shiny espresso nozzles. A wall of coffee flavourings. A glass display of overpriced pastries. A smiling barista in a visor. “How can I help you?” she asks.

“I’ll have a cappuccino,” I say, “And--” I look a round, and continue in a whisper, “And how much is the morphine?”

“They are 4000 won.”

“For a quarter?”

“For a whole one!”

“A whole what, a whole gram?”

I’m confusing her. She tries in English. “Four thousand.”

“I got that. But.. can you show me the morphine?”

“Right there.” She points at the pastry counter.

“Where? I only see sandwiches and muff---”

Aha. I guess it isn’t morphine. Muffin. That makes more sense. It turns out morphine is “모르핀.” I get a delicious looking strawberry muffin with my cappuccino and take it to the park. Sitting in the park, behind the book bus, I tie off, find a vein, and drop into a strawberry bliss.