I'm probably the best eater in my cafeteria. Certainly the fastest. I win the race of the solitary diners.

Koreans rarely eat out alone. Many of the meals you can order are cooked in a big pot in front of you, and come with a full complement of side-dishes. They won't even serve these things to a single diner. But even in restaurants that serve individual meals, one seldom sees solitary diners. It makes it awkward when I am hungry and alone.

Hamburger shops and take-out places, of course, are an exception. I have no problem dining alone at these places. I pretend I am thinking about a problem, and stare off at a wall. I think I must look really cool. And the school cafeterias are okay too. Or semi-OK.

The school cafeterias are okay if they are not crowded. But one doesn't like to take a four person table up by their self when there are people wandering around looking for a spot.

The cafeteria has a rush at 12:00. It is crowded from 12:00 until 12:20. The good dishes are replaced with smushed peas when they run out after 12:25. So 11:45 until 12:00 and 12:20 until 12:25 is the rush of the solitary diners. And in the late rush the kimchi is limp. The solitary diners converge on the cafeteria at 11:45. We sit alone at our big tables and ignore each other. If there are bones in the fish soup, we stay until 12:07, and the normal people have to stand until we finish. Well; screw them for having dining partners. But on non-fish-soup days, there is a race.

I lean on one elbow, my left arm wrapped protectively around my tray. It's a posture borne of breakfasting against four brothers. Its utility these days is not in protection, but in speed. Leaning on the elbow puts my head close to the food. Shorter strokes; faster finish.

Sitting down at my table I lay my chopsticks beside the tray and my spoon in the soup. I look around to see who is where, how much they have to go. Just the solitary diners, mind you; they are the only real competition. "Go!" I yell, and pick up the chopsticks.

I always start with the rice. Not all of it. I alternate the rice, the soup, the main, and the sides- I am not a barbarian. But starting with a big scoop of rice gives you momentum. And it gives you time to plan you next move.

I could go on. But as I said, I am the fastest eater. Nobody else is even close. It's like they don't even know it is a race.