My wife has started reading all sorts of self-help books- philosophy type things about proper living and being a better person. She learns a lot from them, but there is one important thing she doesn't seem to have understood. They are SELF-help books.

Every day, I come home and she tells me how I can apply the things she has read to be a better person. It's odd, because I am already perfect. “Does your book say anything about not being critical of other people, or of teaching by example?” I ask, after she has gone on for 15 minutes about how I could be enjoying life more. Inevitably, my 'enjoying life' entails changing my definition of 'enjoy'.

“It isn't that kind of book,” she answers.

“I wonder where you could get that kind of book,” I say.