An open letter to the guy in Paris with the blue suit and the bag of apricots: You aren't better than me just because you have a bag of apricots.

Service on the plane is great. They have mango juice. My review of Etihad: shitty website, great planes and service.

"Hey," I say to the driver, "That lady is pretty nice looking. Maybe after you drop me off you should come back here and try to talk to her."